Friends With Benefits...

I've never agreed to "FWB"'s. They're a waste of time and heart. But I also never thought I'd let myself be involved in a relationship like it either... this past year, I've gone farther with this guy than i've ever planned on going before marriage. I was born and raised into a christian family and so was he. We're both in love with God but also let ourselves fall over and over again, breaking promise after promise, being together in this messed up relationship. Over the year, I've helped him get a job at my work so that we could have a normal work relationship and work our way to the best friendship we used to have before the benefits part started last december. the work relationship was helping us out until sat night.. it was a simple 2 pecks but after i got out of his car, my heart broke. i thought we were done, and i thought i was out of that mess and out of being attracted to somebody who i don't think i like for the right reasons. i hate it. my brain is so scattered right now, its so difficult to even write out this small portion of the story. i guess right now i just need advice. i don't know how to get around the feelings i have now. before this all started last year, i felt like God wanted us together eventually but i know now that it wasn't in that way. and i feel like we might've ruined what God was going to make of us later on. I guess for now..how do i get those feelings away? i gave away so much of myself and it hurts me so bad to know i did, to know i went behind some of my closest friends back and lied to them. I know we went about it the wrong way, but now i just need to let go of the feelings i have for him in my heart. i want to be able to hang out with him again like old days when we had normal fun, instead of feeling all self concious and worried about everything i say..whether its stupid or sounded "cool". i hate it. i want my old friendship back with him and i want my heart to let go of the feelings of "like" i have towards him. i can't just not hang around him, we work together, go to church together and his sister is one of my best friends. how do i let go?